Goodness

Me: "I'm feeling picked on."

B: "By who?"

Me: "God. It feels like He's not answering any of my prayers..."

That was the start of an actual conversation yesterday morning (since it's already after midnight) with my husband. I've been making more of an effort to spend time in God's Word and in prayer this year,  but it felt like I'd hit a wall with having prayers answered. I've been praying that the Lord would reveal any sin in my life that would be preventing my prayers from being heard,  but still nothing. I'd pray that stains would come out of my son's favorite shirt,  or that my daughter's cries at night wouldn't wake up my son, or that I'd find a close parking space at the grocery store. None of them answered.  Here recently I've just felt so down. I've been reading my Bible but with no real breakthroughs in my life and heart.

Yesterday morning, I needed to be (spiritually) fed. Jack hasn't been feeling well and he decided to wake up every 30-60 minutes last night and come into our room. I'd get up, take him back to his room,  lay back down, start to drift off and hear him coming back in. At one point, I woke up and found him in the middle of our bed.  (Not really sure how that happened, or how long he was there). One time I woke up to him standing over his sister in the bassinet and her crying. I don't know what he did to her, but nursing was the only thing that would fix her, so I got no sleep between that feeding and Jack's next trip into our room.  When he came back to our room at 7am, I stopped fighting. Thankfully, B got up with him,  so that I could sleep a little longer. Kenzie decided it would be a good morning to wake up earlier than her usual. Anyway, that was when the above conversation happened.

At nap time (my normal devotional time), I sat down on the floor with the baby, because she was freaking out,  if she couldn't see me.  I opened up my Bible and told the Lord how empty I was and begged Him to fill me with the truth of His Word. I opened up Instagram to record a picture of how my devotions were happening that day,  and stumbled across this picture.

Most of those words described how I was feeling, so I decided to take a break from my normal devotional (I'm currently using the Freedom and Grace devotional you can find it and other great products here) and read the Scripture on the card. The first reference was Matthew 6:24, which I think is actually a typo and it should read Matthew 6:25. I continued to read that passage anyway and came to verse 33 and 34 (KJV), "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." In the margin of my Bible, I had written in the cross reference of Luke 10:42 (KJV), "But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." After reading this verse,  I followed another scribbled note in my Bible's margins to Psalm 27:4 (KJV), "One thing have I desired of the Lord , that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord , and to enquire in his temple." This verse in itself is a good one, but the next several verses are what really caught my eyes.

**Please note. I'm going to post the next several verses here, mainly for your time sake, because if you're anything like me you get limited reading time during the day. Please, please, please get your Bible out later and read these verses directly from God's Word. God's Word is a love letter to His children. Wouldn't you rather read your own copy, than a copy of someone else's? Trust me. It will bless you to read it directly from the Word of God.

Psalms 27:5-14 (KJV)

For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.  

And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord .  

Hear, O Lord , when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me. 

 When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord , will I seek.  

Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God          of my salvation. 

 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.  

Teach me thy way, O Lord , and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies. 

 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.  

I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait on the Lord : be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord .

I got about two verse into that passage before I just started bawling. God hears me. He knows what I need, when I need it. He fed me, through those words. All I had to do was humble myself and ask Him for help. I was fainting, but the Lord showed His goodness to me by giving me those verses. (Ain't God good?!) Another thing to note is that we are called to wait. Waiting on the Lord is one of our Christian duties. When we wait on His timing, it gives Him the opportunity to strengthen us. We cannot strengthen ourselves. He is the only one who can bring that strengthening to pass.

There's no doubt in my mind that the Lord led me to that Scripture yesterday to help strengthen my heart. There's no way that chain could've worked without it being God. It's amazing to know that those notes in the margins of my Bible are not new notes. I don't know when I wrote them, or why, but God in His wonderful foreknowledge knew I would need the truth in those verses yesterday and revealed them to me in His time. (Again, ain't God good?!)